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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Saturday, July 17th, 2004|
when i get loaded, i gotta go off.
|Friday, July 16th, 2004|
one thing i've always lacked is timing. "i could've won but i didn't get to the starting line on time," is something i have to live with almost constantly.
enchanted falandered in rapacious fellacity:
had me trapped by the sea where others grew tails, had me trapped behind tongue sculpted bars, shut down nervously in the face of gore until moonset.
i soak up the icy distance, i dance on the glass, obvious but unwatched. a burgeoning obsession burgeoned, re-burgeoned, deftly ungraveable.
ways i see life:
day to day
a doppelganger of something else entirely
tapping in the moments 'fore drivertude, i wish to wield a bloody financial sledge. i sit distilled, headweight(/ache) slowly disappearing, insides growling mentally and physically. cracked. an old truck painted camoflouge. things emblazoned, things analogue.
|Friday, July 9th, 2004|
i need the strong legs and sweet smell of a wonderful woman.
|Sunday, July 4th, 2004|
i am amiss
|Friday, July 2nd, 2004|
when dreams modulate with reality, i'm admittedly freaked out.
|Wednesday, June 30th, 2004|
you were buying
a 12 pack of busch and a huge vat of chocolate ice cream
with an exploited t shirt on
and all i could think
is why aren't we friends?
insepid forage courn-changinilocon mate.
formang tornang camilon fickle like cortanglico
i run fork intangibilities
i see your blonde will owens ass questioning me but i know i'm right
i see it
and fall forward
100000000000 million years
i 've had to think about everything
maybe soon i'll work again
|Sunday, June 13th, 2004|
can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait can't wait
but i can't wait.
nothing is ever over over there. things always happening, those always misunderstood who go, those always estranged who run
our god is an awesome god:
myrtle beach, chomping on fake plants, bad bar bands, badder bars, cover charges, running away
|Sunday, June 6th, 2004|
liquid poured, then drained slow.
|Tuesday, June 1st, 2004|
field donut crawl ex-standing, expanding wail wait waith demolish failure reach wraith no way no waste no wailst figure i'll give this free i'll give this for real must tell me what it's like
pilge waif forameraimereeman. knots in my stomach at ineptitude, inexactitude, unkowing, unawareness, unshine, inability. forage for awareness, real ness, the real world, the adictingadultingawarenign thing drive back and forth and back and worth, howling brakes, howling as he breaks, he brakes, he brakes. unknown beauty. the emotionlessness, the inability to feel, the best sex ever, the heaviness that goes unrewarded, the separation, the coldness, the foolishness, the banging of cymbals.
just fell ove rin my chair
razor burn is bad
asphault burn is worse
i feel like i'm scraping on pavement
|Monday, May 17th, 2004|
once acocaploptyc fillamalere filcopoptic soom, brig noom forey com tricka foptic meejailn formeek troptic teenim fominay porickkcopticlamne.
make a quellibshment, driibabigga japshmentak meelabj shopktment sheejay foptic creelabejalment feelabjoughment neepack forlem peeglaigsment famishskay. cflghjyrorgment higlsh failigeshmont proschetant milgs
fliljamillimont fonigsmeg halng moj pooyigansmunf fogligiitsmof jooyent fomig connifsburf folig mooginplyfurf tonnis boik mageefmiffintrof torig
higgle forevevvevryyy bolig heavymmmmmmiglefiyiiiyiy
scribe fighter! scirbe fighter! scribe fighter! ya! directs, fabrications, smiths. torn light year causations, letter train, migeel side ducts. frun frames. passage.
bright farrowed light.
bass grabation. stalwart tensile structs. passive. rascal tasticc mise throbes foraging ting staff willax alk. pon trone confex have nome willat jet. corniax some home. pooang septum. foyick moh yed chaise deln kmo yeck tase thern clorcik daze nel fing wong chtick tesforum. mollick qase thef foom yeck to-knee follick jase fem.
meighted mile foreck rase thu futhem mieeeg follumsjum, steigh wayg frm moo chollit.
fogeev walleg bagck in trefusm morrig don nay feeng wongichem sanmbtg orlig gaythmmm feegan parijch somne figgloom. tteemej naighle.
dimaj farted talle nasil.
bytidng fokam nojalg femij joulee foqau jme unfeme. neelej folkill poeyck mfoicl jemnb jd,e.ajjjjjjj
|Monday, April 26th, 2004|
anastigmatic discernible getty capacity bob gil haiku kankakee slocum glow radii airy credulity registry mae usurp belying loiter ypsilanti scud complacent lament kamchatka campion debility clive byway catkin familial nan geigy miscible myra benefit fleece encore scour hearty hippopotamus skew aida despise pinnacle compassionate congest brazier throat pulsate roadbed flail aylesbury votive consortium radar barbour greed carp hearst frostbitten pituitary millions jettison kafka presentational blossom wicket epidermis mandate bronchial fontaine skirt trod throat minimal
unimodal bologna pillow siege stitch euphorbia aerodynamic anthology
sparta artificial codfish explicit lentil conciliatory comprehend bayonne optimum attest vow transvestite irrelevant crossroad credential logistic damsel gallery houghton brandywine myrrh monkish blurb stopcock chrome enmity groove ytterbium phosphorescent metzler cloddish dalzell amoeba daytona iris anneal plunk approve anecdotal stealthy ian
report atreus bootlegging improper salerno venice webb insufferable
|Saturday, April 17th, 2004|
|polis, polis polis
tumble timble tomble romble ree.
can't quite remember what i was going to say.
i crumble at the feet of your new. i only hope you would be the one to arise if i were to endeavour to make my way through the masses this evening. could a lightning bolt strike twice? it struck me once as i was a a hundred and fifty feet behind you, so i didn't get the view i wanted. amazing how my charms will always work, but i never quite word them properly so that they work in the way i intend. until i figure out what's wrong, i suppose i shall remain the sorceror's apprentice and not the sorceror.
malfeasance is currently one of my favorite words in my head.
the mood management that brings the amplitude back to the x axis:
i walked all the way here with this rattling the spot where my headfones short the most.* it truly looked as if all was lost. i still had my eyes open, though i could not sit still. "which is better," i began my query, and ended "a word that rhymes with orange or the square root of negative one?" there was no answer.
movement of wetness and softness not even an inch to the left or right signifies an incredibly vast change in the expenditure of my energy.
the real me, the giant, the wits, the dregs of a long night at a calabash seafood establishment. everything so cheap and so fried i can smell nothing else. everything so friend because i found one i liked and everyone was the same. everything so intact, and wheeled from one end to the next. everything so facial. everything so all the way down to the button, and fired up, and cooled down, and hyperventilated, and purse push imposopolous. everything so shared and intertwined. every grass so green every vine so grown around and around. i am one with the shoot!
VM 4:17PM 4/17/04, 7NEW
a real church, he looked in but rated a regular young
big old young coy offer tin ten; major yeoman, his earth a rallied trail; major yeoman his ernest aborigine ritalin taken
a woebegone woman stricken with wilson's disease stumbled in moment's ago. she is unaware of her illness. she has perhaps treated herself for mercury poisoning, not knowing the difference. "C," i said, "hUmor me." and i sHowed her how tough it was Going from mile 80 to mile 29 (we were pLanted at 3), but I did show her the way, and left her with this advice:
"you may someday turn from liquid along the way, but stop not lest ye be loose'd from your end age (which, i'd add, had strangely occurred nearly 4000 years ago)."
*ham radio operator term: "short between the headfones"
|Friday, April 16th, 2004|
|leapt over me like brown diamonds
...giant ones burning intently in the night, and if only the saleswoman had never shown them to me i would never have even considered buying them.
actually, that's a lie. i would've considered, thought better of the matter, and moved on. maybe i would've done something cheaper, easier, just to pat myself on the back for not being an idiot.
but she did, and i took the extra long way home last night. i had to peer at the door where the saleswoman had stood, i had to get one last fleeting gaze even though the doors were locked, the lights were off, and uncertainty was taking hold.
the bizarre thing was i had been in the store now 4 times--once every week since i became fully aware, and it set in the strongest this time when i'm not sure if i'll be able to make it back for a while. i feel as if i'm still new to this city, and i may get lost, never been able to find that place, the saleswoman, or her beautiful brown diamonds. i'm dismayed by this. i did give her my business card (in the form of a mix cd) and i hope she has reached the bottom of the cereal box and retrieved the secret decoder so she can glue the whole picture together. i haven't felt so queasy in a while.
p.s.--there's a new telephone at my work. i'm waiting for it to ring so i can hear what it sounds like.
|Saturday, April 3rd, 2004|
shiver-me-guilty; samefaced forgetful of transgression migrate to iddominant too-too-too-tune. i do, i do, i put money where mouth is (as any american would like to admit) i frolic as frontally assauult.
if so, who answers?
amphibian patriarchy, nike shoes, ladelung soup to form a tower.
We too had many pretty toys when young:
A law indifferent to blame or praise,
To bribe or threat; habits that made old wrong
Melt down, as it were wax in the sun's rays;
Public opinion ripening for so long
We thought it would outlive all future days.
O what fine thought we had because we thought
That the worst rogues and rascals had died out.
a troom troom a whelk incandescent performato plummet pynchonly in pitiful predominance.
ever since my accident:
cander withcall occurreth on the walkie sulkie talkie sidewalk alone with 3 bodies up and down the wary sagebrush bruff muster tuff majorall tindal claim-tographer. modernity takes me awwwwwway into blisterabyss tinaken-der-rame-failughger thru my walls.
pagan furrow trailust kimball.
in love but alone, feels like smalltown life for sure tonight. nothing to do, aka. i feel like a cactus sitting on the livejournal all night and pricking the shit i want to reply at.
shrew caste, invasion, peril. fickle laid-me-untight, all about the rockford university until you find the theatre building. beers. mexican beans fecal matter. driving around and wasting gas. tirosion. finding a place. finding awful records and dirt and an awful apartment. wanting to get out a live in love and filled with estrickled.